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Charles Dickens fans may wince at my blog title. His iconic first line of A Tale of Two Cities says, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” and I purposely misquoted it because it aptly describes the inner-wrestling I experienced for almost 40 years.

In all that time, I lived a double life—caught in a cycle of sin and shame, full of self-inflicted guilt, stuck in a rut that I thought was never going to end. But—praise the Lord! —God was working behind the scenes to bring something beautiful from it all.

The Poison of Hidden Sin

For 35 years, most people would have described me as a gregarious and friendly guy. My wife and I seemed to have a happy marriage. We were blessed with a big family. I had a good job. I was a homeschooling father, a leader in my church, lived in a nice home in a beautiful neighborhood, and was always quick with a funny story at social gatherings.

But what most people didn’t know was that I was fighting—and regularly losing—a battle with pornography.

I feared being exposed. I became good at lying to hide my activities. Protecting my secret became all encompassing, and after years of failure, it seemed impossible to overcome. I prayed time and again for forgiveness as well as for strength to win this battle over sin. But at other times I was apathetic, and placated my guilt by telling myself that my small personal sin wasn’t really hurting anyone.

I lived a double life—caught in a cycle of sin and shame, full of self-inflicted guilt, stuck in a rut that I thought was never going to end.

But that was an illusion. My sin wasn’t private. My family—and especially my wife—were affected by my “secret sin.” We kept up appearances of a well-ordered family life, but the reality was that our marriage was in trouble. Despite my wife’s many requests for us to get marriage counseling (which I deflected or ignored) we simply settled into a fairly soulless relationship.

God Steps In

Then, in a matter of months, God stepped in—in a way that was overwhelmingly confusing and disorienting, but which later became evident as his particular care for us. I lost my job, and less than a year later we had to radically downsize and move out of our spacious home of 17 years to a new city 300 miles away. Our new place was a compact church apartment, and my new job was the church custodian. I had been a busy traveling marketing manager, but now I opened and locked the church, mopped floors, changed light bulbs, scrubbed bathrooms, cut grass, trimmed hedges, shoveled snow, moved chairs and tables—and even dug graves!

We slowly began to realize that this devastating “subtraction” was God’s way of removing the things in my life that were holding me back from submitting myself more fully to his will. Up to that point, I had pretty much lost hope of changing the sinful patterns in my life. But in the heat of my sin, God didn’t let go of me. Instead, although I didn’t listen to his whispers and hardened my conscience to his shouts, he used this traumatic experience as a megaphone (as C. S. Lewis illustrates) to get my attention. We were isolated, basically starting over, and shaken to the core—but it provided a merciful opportunity to reassess our priorities and to hear the Lord’s voice anew.

My faith was weak, and I feared taking the biblical steps I needed to break free from pornography. But through it all, my wife never stopped praying and asking God to break through my stubborn heart. In hindsight, I can see how he heard my wife’s prayers and took pity despite my weak faith.

We were isolated, basically starting over, and shaken to the core—but it provided a merciful opportunity to reassess our priorities and to hear the Lord’s voice anew.

In an amazing series of providences, my wife met Ellen Dykas, the director of Harvest USA’s women’s ministry. And because their ministry offices were just a few miles away from our new apartment, they began meeting together so my wife could understand her own struggles (which mostly stemmed from the fallout of my sexual brokenness). As my wife shared with me about what she was learning, I finally took her advice, visited Harvest USA, and joined one of their discipleship support groups for men.

Barr, Jim "It Was the Worst of Times, It Was the Best of Times"Harvest Ministries USA  https://harvestusa.org/it-was-the-worst-of-times-it-was-the-best-of-times/   August 31, 2023

As many of you are aware, Father recently provided me with the opportunity to spend two months overseas in Africa. While there I got to witness firsthand His faithfulness, provision, and providence. I’ve returned with more stories than I’m able to share in this short blog, but there is one that stands out vividly to me.

While my team and I were there, a large festival took place. This festival is celebrated throughout the Muslim world and involves three days of celebration during which everything closes, even grocery stores. In the days leading up to the festival, families will buy a sheep, then on the morning of the first day they slaughter the sheep in the street and eat specific portions of it each day. We had been prepared that things slowed down a lot during the festival and that we probably wouldn’t have any opportunities to meet new people. So, during the first morning we decided to walk around our neighborhood and lift it up to Father and ask Him for opportunities.

Walking through a large plaza, we noticed one of the many cafes was open, so we decided to stop in for coffee. While there, a gentleman sat down next to me, and I immediately felt I had to talk to him. I asked if he spoke English, which he did, and was able to spend the next two hours talking to him about my story, the Main Thing, and sharing stories from the Book.

The second day, we again were out walking and lifting up our city. The streets were entirely empty except for us, so I asked Father that He would provide an opportunity to be used today. As soon as I finished, I heard Mark talking with someone behind me. An older gentleman had joined us at some point and was engaging us in English. After a few minutes he invited us to his home for tea. When we arrived at his home, his son (who was my age) arrived at the same time. While we were relaxing in the salon (think living room), the father left, and we began sharing the Main Thing with the son. Partway through sharing the father returned, listened to us while we finished, and then began to talk about Islam and how Jesus couldn’t be both human and God.

After some time listening to him and asking questions about Islam, he again left to go to mosque, leaving us with his son. We then got to have tea and lunch with the son and hear a bit about his life. The last several years he has been away from home at university and hasn’t been practicing Islam for a while now, though his father doesn’t know. He told us he is “studying other religions to figure out which one is true before dedicating his life to one of them.” This blew us away and we were able to spend the time with him explaining the Main Thing in great detail, sharing our personal stories, and even some stories from the Book. He was very receptive though he said he wasn’t ready to follow Father just yet, so we encouraged him to keep learning and to read the Book.

The time during the festival was really impactful to me. We went into that time thinking we wouldn’t get to do much and Father vividly reminded us that He is in total control and can use us wherever and whenever despite the circumstance we can’t see past.

Cruz is our new Member Assimilation and Children's Ministry Coordinator and we are blessed to have him serve our body.

Let me introduce you to my family. Becca and I recently celebrated our 25 th anniversary. She has been homeschooling our four children from the beginning, Ethan, Christian, Stephen and Isabela, recently graduating our two oldest. We enjoy a good road trip, 26 states visited so far with a desire to make it to all 50 eventually. Everyone has an opinion about the best pizza around. We haven’t yet found any better than Dion’s, even better than NY style from Joe’s in Times Square!

I was born in Juarez, Mexico and immigrated to Anthony, NM at a very young age. It is not a cliché that this land offers immigrants like me tremendous opportunities that are not available in Mexico. I am certainly glad that it was here that I first came to understand the Good News and became the first in my immediate family to be saved by God’s grace. He has since saved both my parents and sisters and so has transformed our family.

I moved to Albuquerque to attend UNM and it was there that I came to understand more fully what it meant to walk in God’s grace. It was also there that I met Frank and Molly as fellow students involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, currently CRU. I loved the work CRU did for young students like us and so I decided to join the ministry upon my graduation. It was a pleasure to serve in that capacity for some years before God led me in a different path soon after I married the love of my life. She and I have since built a life dedicated to the raising of our now maturing family. It has been everything you can expect, beautiful, difficult, challenging, rewarding, filled with trials and joys- much like yours I suspect.

Through it all and in it all God has proven Himself faithful. Professionally, I have spent the bulk of my career serving in the retail and food service industry as general manager, director and district manager for the past 20 and some years. Again, through it all God has shown Himself faithful to provide both for our needs and opportunities to simply tell others who He is. I now find myself before you, thankful to be part of this local body to experience with you a life lived together in pursuit of God’s conforming us into the image of His Son Jesus Christ. I look forward to meeting you, serving you and serving alongside you. Thank you.

Last week we took a look a loneliness and we asked the question what do we do?

Most importantly, much prayer – for yourself, your family, church, and community – all dealing
with these issues to one degree or another. Become a prayerful listener and a listening prayer.
(Psalm 32:7-8, 143:8)

Let us become more of a community where none of us is too poor that we have nothing to give, and none of us is too rich that we have nothing to receive. Let us have our eyes open to the needs around us and learn to know the joy of serving others, as unto Christ. (Colossians 3:23)

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25)

“Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” (Romans 12:9-21)

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor to build him up.” (Romans 15:1-2)

“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 14:11-14)

Be aware, listen, pray, serve with joy. Be blessed as you give. (Acts 20:35) Be compelled by Christ’s love to no longer live for yourself but for Him who died for us and was raised again. (2 Corinthians 5:14-15)

“We live in a lonely world now because we are disconnected, and we are disconnected because of an excessive emphasis on the word “I.” Roger Scruton writes that the world we live in is an intolerable din of “I this” and “I that,” with a loss of any wholesome sense of “we.” (The Wounds of Beauty by Margarita Mooney Suarez p.148)

Get your kids involved in a “serving” project and pray together for those you serve. It is exciting seeing God do His work of transformation, especially when you get to play a little part in the process.

Keep close to Jesus. Keep in step with the Spirit. (Galatians 5:25) We have been created to walk with Him, our Lord Jesus, Immanuel, through this life, then through the river of death into the Celestial City to be with Him forever. Across the years of our brokenness, God is stitching a story of redemption. He is faithful! And He will do it! (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)

The US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, has declared loneliness an epidemic.
60% of Americans struggle with loneliness and isolation - 36% chronically. Lack of social
connectedness is a problem that has been growing over the past 100 years, but especially so since the arrival of the cell phone, and then came Covid. This problem has had a devastating
effect on our health -both physical and mental. Those chronically experiencing loneliness have a
29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, a 50% increased risk of
dementia, and more than 60% increased risk of premature death, plus depression and anxiety,
addiction, and type 2 diabetes (CDC.gov/emotional wellbeing)

“We are all looking for that place where we belong unconditionally. This kind of belonging is impossible without authenticity and vulnerability – two super nutrients for community.” (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, May 23, 2023)

God knows all of this. He made us this way – in His image, with a need for and a love of relationship. Before the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit created man, they had communion together; a perfect relationship of loving and serving one another – with great joy. The Word of life – eternal life – chose to make a way for us broken, wounded, sinful humans to have fellowship with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ through the cross (1 John 1). His name is “Immanuel, which means God with us.” (Matthew 1:23) “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love; not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love each other, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:9-12)

Chris and I have been blessed to be in the “community of believers” since we were married. Our brothers and sisters in Christ have helped us go through many trials, as we all share in the sufferings of this broken world. From financial trials, to serious physical challenges, to heartbreaks and disappointments, we have experienced God’s faithfulness and provision for us,
often through the gifts and ministries of our community group.

These dear brothers and sisters in Christ have prayed for us, provided accountability, helped us raise our girls with their eyes on Jesus, and now encourage us in our last laps to finish the race well.

Like our dear neighbor and friend (and our daughters’ 3 rd grandmother), Mrs. Wright, would say when asked if she was lonely (because she lived alone and never went anywhere): “Lonely? I am never alone. Jesus is with me all day and all night. And we have an on-going conversation that never ends.” If you want to hear some testimonies about God’s faithfulness in times of despair and loneliness, ask William and Dolores Jiron, Joan Tallant, Kara Schug, or ask me more about Mrs. Wright. You will be lifted up by God’s goodness. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

So, what do we do, as the church, brothers and sisters in Christ?